Tuvok's Potatoes
by Hestia01
Summary: At the end of Captain Who we were left with our chaotic heroines plotting to do ill to Tuvok's replicator. Here's what happened. Set about a week after the events of Captain Who


Captain Janeway was abruptly awoken by distant shrieks and running footsteps. She becomes even more alert when her door is buzzed urgently several times in a row. Groping blearily in the dark for her robe, she wends her way to the door to open it to three shivering lower-ranks who burst in the second the door was cleared.

"What's going--ahh!" Janeway gasps sharply as Ensigns T'Elya Minh and Kat Doec, and Lieutenant Marissa Blake push their way past her.

"Mmalfffunction," T'Eyla chatters through her teeth, "in the envvvironmental cccontrols! Entire pport ssside wwwipped outtt!" Gradually, the trio warms up, and the captain feels adequetly informed except for one or two picky details. "Should I expect more visitors tonight?"

Doec shakes her head, "I don't think so, no one else would dare disturbing you." To this she receives a raised eyebrow of suspicion. "And you three would?"

There's an uncomfortable pause as they contend with the possability that they were not quite welcome. "Yes, ma'am, we did..." Marissa offers, "I guess we were wrong, sorry to bother you. Its just that...we didn't think you'd mind."

"Don't get me wrong, you can stay the night. I'm just curious..." Janeway trails off with a dawning look on her face as realization strikes. "Oh...oh of course! You'll have to forgive me, I'm not quite awake yet. I take it this means I still have co-conspirator status among you?" She asks, referring to her brief bout of memory loss. Her only response is the relieved smiles of her former comrades-in-arms of mayhem. She makes a wide, resigned gesture, "Make yourselves comfortable, _only_ until the problem is fixed, though!" The three lower-ranks pitch camp, Kat slings her hammock in a likely place, Minh snags the couch and Marissa is left with an armchair and ottoman. As they set up, Janeway brings up an unexpected topic. "Its been over a week and Tuvok still hasn't mentioned having a problem with his replicator, I thought it would be on his security report the next day. Did you three chicken out?"

Blake's head snaps up, indignant at her suggestion, "Of course not, we followed through to the letter! How could we not and still keep our self-respect? You should've been there! Kat managed to tap into the ship's internal sensors, once we upped the resolution we managed a pretty clear recording. Would you like to see? There's even audio!" Clearly the captain had been curious about their stunt but had had the professionalism and remaining loyalty not to ask incriminating questions. "You have it with you?" she asks bemusedly, clearly this is shaping up to be quite a night.

By way of reply, Doec reaches down her nightshirt and pulls out an isolinear chip in a string around her neck. Janeway sighs with a sleepy smile, amazed at the attention to detail they'd paid to leaving no evidence laying around. She takes it from her young officer and slips it into a port on the wall monitor. The static clears, revealing a clean shot of Tuvok's quarters.

Its apparently the end of Tuvok's patrol, he enters his quarters with the assurance that everything is as it should be. "Vulcan relaxation tea, hot," he addresses his replicator. Instead of his tea, however, a raw potato appears. "One potato," the computer announces. Two more appear, "Two potato." Three more materialise, tumbling onto the floor, "Three potato, " the computer continues in calm steady tones. "Four. Five potato, six potato..." By now the floor beneath the replicator is littered with dusty rolling potatoes. All Tuvok can do is stand there in disbelief that his usually well-behaved replicator would suddenly turn against him. "Seven potato...more" No less than twenty-five additional potatoes come spewing out all over the place. Tuvok stiffly steps toward the offending contraption. By now even the captain is in tears from laughing so hard.

"Wait! It gets better! This was my idea," Minh exclaims.

Tuvok loads the potatoes back into the replicator, "Computer, recycle."

"One potato..."

The end!


End file.
